Pronouns and shit

[entanglingbriars]

So like, there are a lot of trans and nb people who would like to make it a cultural norm to ask people for their pronouns and to announce what your pronouns are. I also have a trans friend who absolutely loathes being asked his pronouns and would rather be misgendered because he knows that most people who ask him for pronouns do so because they've clocked him as someone who needs to be asked. Which is why I felt really uncomfortable today when I was around a gender non-conforming person and had to choose between a) doing exactly what a close friend of mine hates and that it would make sense if others hate too (asking someone for their pronouns because I clocked them as gnc) or picking a pronoun and going with it. I don't know if I made the right choice. The problem is that if you ask most cis people what their pronouns are, they won't take it as a neutral question, they'll take it as an insult, possibly a severe one, and openly flouting social rules when there's little to no gain for it in the short-term is hard.

Comments

[child_of_the_air]

I have no idea what to suggest here. I also have the problem that I'm usually read as a cis man, which means that if I'm asked my pronouns I have a choice of misgendering myself or outing myself as trans, neither of which is necessarily a pleasant option.

[swamp_adder]

It's basically a competing need between "binary" trans people, who don't want to know that you've clocked them as trans, and nonbinary people who have to out themselves as trans for their identified gender to ever be recognized.

I would like to make it a cultural norm to use gender-neutral pronouns for everyone, so stuff like this would not be an issue. But then I'm somewhere adjacent to the "nonbinary" zone, so I'm sure I'm biased.

[entanglingbriars]

I'm in the same boat. Gendered pronouns are annoying and unnecessary.

[osteophage]

This is such a tough thing. :/ I'm one of the people who doesn't know how to even answer the question, myself, so I sympathize with not knowing which route to take.